Forbidden Feeling
by EbonyKitsune and DracoMalfoy
Summary: Shounen ai Xel/Zel pairing. A look in to the journal entry of Xelloss Metallium.
1. Xelloss' Journal

Forbidden Feeling  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the character of Slayers as I do not even own my own house, car, or anything of the sort. You could sue me for writing, but all you'd get is pocket lint. If you don't like shounen ai (boy x boy love) then please don't read this story.  
  
I love him.  
  
But I can not let him go.  
  
The story of my life, which is, somewhat disturbing to a mere mortal. So, instead, I sit here, writing in my journal. Since when do I keep a journal? I can't remember. I suppose I keep it because of my lack of friends in which I chose to communicate my feelings. Yes, I do have feelings. They aren't, however, the ruling factor in my life, but I do know that they exsist...or I wouldn't be feeling the way I do now.  
  
Now, I hurt. Not physically, mind you, but...inside. As if the very core of my being has been shattered. I suppose that would be my own fault. I did, after all tell him.  
  
I didn't mean to tell him, it slipped. Usually I am far more careful than that. But areound him, my facade crumbles.  
  
How did it happen? Well, it was a normal day, everything that usually happens did. It seemed to be the replay of a long since broken record. Lina and Gourry fighting over something, Ameria was being cheerful...and Zelgadis, he was sitting against a tree by the reminants of the campfire, his cloak once again over his beautiful face.  
  
Personally I don't understand why he would hide his features from the world. He is as he is and honestly, I always tell him to pull it off. But Zelgadis always seems to think that I am joking. I have realized that, it is probably because of the laughing mask I wear and the manner in which I compose myself. So, I had to be serious. I wanted him to realize his beauty and accept it. Although I knew that he wouldn't. Either that, or he would storm off like he usually did.  
  
I didn't care.  
  
That was my first mistake.  
  
Instead, I left my place in the branches of some tall tree, and sat beside the chimera. His whole being intrigued me. That, and all of the aura surrounding him. I didn't quite understand it then...but I do now. He looked at me with contempt, distrust and disgust in his lovely eyes. Almost as if, at that moment, he was wishing me dead.  
  
But I pushied forward, sort of. I simply told him that I wanted to talk to him later. Reluctantly he accepted with that annoyed grunt and I promptly dissappeared.  
  
Later, I came back that night...although everyone had already gone to bed. As well as forgotten about me already.  
  
It was then, that I phased myself into his room. He leeked so peaceful and almost innocent while he slept. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, it seemed near impossible a task.  
  
I realized that I loved him...was it love? Do I know anything of love? Can a demon with no moral fiber...and a passionate wish for things to hurt or die...actually love?  
  
Without thinking, I let it slip. The words seemed right comming from my mouth. Strange, yet still right. As if I was already talking to him...but whispering to only the air.  
  
But...he was awake.  
  
And he'd heard me. I froze instantly when Zelgadis opened his eyes. Looking straight at me I sensed confusion. I could smell it. Quickly as it had come, his confusion abruptly changed to anger. Zelgadis thought I was mocking him, teasing him, all the while yelling at me to get out.  
  
I left, quietly with no other remarks.  
  
What could I say to change his mind? Would he change his mind? Or, has he always hated me from the moment we met? I wonder sometimes if it was just distrust..but now, I'm not sure sure where he draws the line. Or how fine that line actually is.  
  
I think, it's been a year now. I'll never forget it, any of it. That same image has been ingrained in my mind for the past three hundred and sixty four days.  
  
I wonder what he's doing, maybe, I should pay a visit. Zelgadis has probably forgotten me already. So no harm visiting, at least not to them anyways.  
  
Xelloss Metallium 


	2. Thoughts on Forbidden Words

Forbidden Feeling - 2  
  
WOW! I can't believe I even got 6 reviews...that is like...one a day! Although one of them was doubled. I'm new to this kind of thing and that was very flattering. smiles I see why everyone wants them so bad now. Actually to tell you the truth this fic was supposed to be a one shot....but since I was asked so nicely, grins I'll continue it!!  
  
For my Reviewers because they are such wonderful people:  
  
Alexiel-sama: I'll try to make it a happy end but right now I am full of angsty goodness. Bear with that and I'll try to show you a happy end.  
  
The Weird One: pat pat You always have too much sugar. ^_~ See you in French.  
  
Cayenne: After your review, I finally decided to try and do another chapter, so now, who knows how long it'll be!! ^_____^  
  
Xellas M: Well, now I'll be continuing. So no worries about that. But if you'd like to give me suggestions at all feel free!! I like creative critisizm. ^_^  
  
Sunfreak: Is is really difficult to find an original approach with X/Z pairing? Hm, I never knew. Actually I came up with this idea when I wrote in my own diary. And then, because I liked that pairing, I dreamt this and low and behold, I finally typed it up. This story though, is actually two years old. LOL If you want more I'll try to dig them up alright? All you have to do is ask. ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: Like I've mentioned before I own noone in this fic!! I'm just using them against their will and the will of their creator. HAH! Take that Lord of Nightmares!!! laughs maniacally Anyways, if you want to sue me I now not only have pocket lint to offer, but I also have a pencil I bought today!! Please don't take that from me though....I need it to draw my inspiration!! pouts  
  
'I can hardly believe I've thought about last years events so much. It quite disturbs me really. I found it odd that shortly after Xelloss said those things...that he suddenly dissappeared, and he stayed away as well. Did that leave an odd truth to his words?' Zelgadis shook his head. There was no way that Xelloss could have had any feelings for him...he was a mazoku. Right? If anything, that stood for lies and deceit. Although, why would Xelloss even think about saying anything like that to him, of all the creatures that stood. It had to be another joke... Besides, curiosity killed the cat, so why worry now?  
  
Although many times over the chimera had tried to forget the disturbing images and thoughts, he couldn't seem to leave it to rest. In the beginning they were nightmares and they seemed to frequent his mind alot. But now what was worse, is it had hardly even disturbed him any more. In fact, Zelgadis had almost gotten used to the idea of intamacy with the mazoku. It was those dreams and thoughts that made him feel like he was starting to go insane. Which couldn't be good. Definitely not, especially if it was Xelloss that he was thinking about.  
  
Before he could think any farther a voice seemed to call him out of the daze he was in. "--gadis? Zelgadis-san?" It was Ameria, "Are you alright? You seem to be rather untalkative today..."  
  
"Yeah, well....more untalkative than usual anyhow. So what's wrong with you? Why all of a sudden are you so broody? The fish is good!! So, just relax!" Lina smiled at him and a small tinge of mischief glinted in her eyes, "Besides, you need to loosen up!! So just eat the fish and talk, and go merrily along with the conversation! I don't want to have to force you myself you know." Beside her Gourry was too busy stuffing his face with food, but he managed a short agreement though mouthfuls of fish.  
  
"Hey!! Save some of that for me you jellyfish for brains--" Lina promptly grabbed a hold of the fish in Gourry's hands and pulled on it ripping off the lower half and stuffing it into her own waiting mouth. The war was on. Hands were flying to reach the closest piece of fish, before it was gone. Between their bouts of violence, Ameria snatched a few pieces for herself, unable to compete with the flying hands of her two travelling companions.  
  
Zelgadis just sighed. That was, he sighed before getting to his feet and walking over to where they were set up for camp this particular time. They weren't anywhere near a town yet. It was still a few days travel. So in the tents they would sleep. It wasn't that he was being broody...it was...ok so he was being broody. But, after all there was alot going though his mind at the time.  
  
"Mr. Zelgadis?...Where are you going?" The small princess of Seyruun asked politely.  
  
"I've got a slight headache Ameria. I think I shall retire for the night. I'll see you all in the morning." And with a swish of his hand the flap of his tent was opened and he was in. Letting it close behind the chimera quite quickly.  
  
Lina eyed his tent suspiciously. Something obviously was wrong...but how to pinpoint it? Lately...actually for the past half a year, to be precise, Zelgadis had been acting quite unusual...and completely broody. What did he have to brood over anyways? And why couldn't he share? In any case, she'd have to make a point to ask him later. Well, force him out of it later.  
  
Zelgadis unrolled his own sleeping roll in the tent and pulled the cape from his shoulders. 'Why? Why can't I stop thinking about those words?' Sighing he got changed into a more comfortable set of pajamas. 'Why is it that the only thing in the world that seems to matter right now, is to get closure on this topic?' The chimera pulled the upper blanket down just far enough to crawl in and get a little warmer. 'Why is it that I want to hear it again...?'  
  
Staring at the top of his tent, Zelgadis almost wished it wasn't there so that he could look at the stars and ponder his own future with this topic. Maybe, he'd get something out of it. Maybe he wouldn't. But who really knew if he didn't try.  
  
'What if I never see him again? What if....he never comes back?' Zelgadis furrowed his brow, 'What if, it could have been different?..'  
  
Those were the last thoughts of Zelgadis Greywords before he drifted into a semi-peaceful sleep. Dreaming of his friends, adventures....and of the one thing that had been on his mind for nearly a year...It wasn't as if the dreams weren't welcome. They had obviously been haunting his brain often enough, becoming such a habit that now they were almost craved. A horrible addiction really.  
  
Xelloss. It was that particular mazoku that haunted his dreams. It was that demon who kept his sleep away. It was Xelloss whom he thought of almost every waking moment, almost as if he was now more important than finding the cure the chimera had wanted for ages. Zelgadis tossed a little in his bed, trying to seperate his mind from the nightmares that were increasingly stronger.  
  
What he didn't know, is that watchful eyes studied him from a near branch as he'd entered his tent. It was those very watchful eyes that waited for their chance. The violet eyes closed, hiding the concern they'd shown only a moment before. And then they'd dissappeared along with their demonic owner. 


	3. The Promise

Forbidden Feeling - 3  
  
Woah man. I love you guys!! group hug Heheh just kidding. Anyways, I really do like you people alot. I can't believe you actually think this story is really good. Maybe I should consider writing more fanfics in the future after I finish this one. But I guess it depends on how this one goes eh?  
  
For my Reviewers because they are such wonderful people:  
  
miss_chan: I'll give you some angst AND some man love. ^_^ LOL No really though, if you have any ideas feel free to voice them! I'll listen!  
  
MoroTheWolfGod: It's alright. ^_^ I'll write more I promise. But I don't know how long between chapters! I'll try really hard.  
  
Aurenne: Hehe. Well I will continue it. I don't know how long its going to go but I do know that due to request it will be a happy end, with lots of angst in the middle and man love. chuckles But I promise to post more!  
  
Disclaimer: As I've said. I own nothing. Zip, zilch....so if you try to sue, I can't give you much. Except pocket lint, a new and used pencil and maybe come dirty socks. ^_^ I found them under my bed. I don't even own the computer I type this all on!! pouts But I wish I did.  
  
Xelloss materialized himself into the small tent. Slouching in the corner nearest the door, he observed the sleeping chimera. Sitting down quietly, Xelloss opened his eyes wide, allowing the emotion built up inside to escape though the violet orbs. Anger, fear, sadness, all of the things the mazoku stood for. The problem was, he wasn't supposed to be feeling them. Either that, or mazoku are so good at hiding their feelings, that they finally come to the conclusion that they don't have any, and eventually end up believing it.  
  
The chimera tossed a little, his head tilting upwards and facing to the right. This action almost proved too much for the watchful eyes of Xelloss.  
  
"What do you dream of so vividly? My death? Your cure?" Xel whispered into the small breeze, "What is it that bothers you so?" The mazoku sighed a little, before curling his knees up to his chest to rest his chin upon them.  
  
Zelgadis whimpered a little in his sleep and then let out a soft moan, before the absolute unexpected happened.  
  
"Xelloss..." The voice didn't seemed pained at all...just...lustful?!  
  
Was he hearing right? Smirking a little Xelloss lifted his head up closed his eyes. Zelgadis had to be awake...and he had to have known that the mazoku was indeed there. This was all a lie, wasn't it? Was Zelgadis poking fun at the mazoku who'd revealed his own feelings only a year before? Only one way to find out.  
  
"Zelgadis," He started softly, "Are you awake?"  
  
One of his sensitive ears twitched and the chimera sat up straight in bed and came almost face to face with someone all too familiar. He was over come by sudden emotions being voiced though his body. His first thought was to have the mazoku right there and not let go of him. The second was to confess to him two about the dreams...and the third, was to ask him why he left. None actually came to place.  
  
"Xelloss?.." It took his mind a short minute to register that indeed the mazoku was there. Suddenly anger flashed over his features as he stared the mazoku down, "I am now. How long have you been there?" His jaw clenched, Zelgadis ground his teeth together slightly trying to maintain civility.  
  
"Not too long..." Lifting his face rather proudly he spoke quietly just above a whisper, "What do you dream of?.." Xelloss furrowed his eyebrows still face to face with Zel.  
  
"What do I--What do you mean by that? I don't believe it's your business to know." His voice began to lift from its normal tone before he remembered to keep it down, "Actually I don't know why you are even here! Why are you here?"  
  
"I'm here to answer your questions...or more so, to answer my own. I think I know what you dream..." The mazoku started, "I just want to hear it from you."  
  
"You know nothing of what I dream! I have no questions. So I suppose your time here has been in vain." Zelgadis could feel his own heart clench tighter with every word from his mouth, "Or do you feel like laying more lies where you stand?" The pain in his voice was quite visible, but the coldness even more so.  
  
"Lies?" A sudden rush flew through Xelloss as he reopened his eyes to look straight at the chimera, "What do you know of my lies? What if I never did lie to you? What if what you think is a lie, was actually the truth. Could you handle that? Do you even realize what I have to go through for myself to feel the way I do? Do you understand at all?"  
  
"Understand? What do--" Zelgadis was just about to retort when firm lips crushed against his own demanding. Just as he'd drempt. He could feel his whole body start to grow loose and for a moment he actually gave in to the mazoku's show of affection...before comming to his own revelation. He pulled slowly away from the soft lips and stared angrily at their owner, before reeling his fist back and hitting its target. Xelloss' cheek.  
  
"How dare you!? How dare you play with my feelings?!" The chimera's voice was harsh and distraught, "How dare you come here and toy with me like I am some pawn. You cannot come in here and expect to get me into bed as a trophy. Get out!" Zelgadis' eyes were pained and tears were making their way down his cheeks unnoticed.  
  
The demonic priest felt like he'd been mentally slapped. Unable to speak for a moment he watched the tears travel down stone cheeks. Reaching out wards with one hand he moved to brush those tears away, yet still unable to touch the chimera's face, and before he could let loose his own tears, dissappeared.  
  
Zelgadis wiped quickly at his eyes. He hadn't cried in years...and why was he crying now? It wasn't as if it was that painful....or was it?  
  
"Why do you have this effect on me? Why does it hurt.." Zel whispered to himself pulling the blanket back around his shoulders, "What do you get from toying with everyones feelings? How many more people do you say that too?" The rest of his night was interrupted with nightmares, and the inability to get back to sleep.  
  
Xelloss sat in a near by tree and contemplated his previous actions. "The problem is, Zelgadis, that you won't know unless you try. You're scared...." Xel bit his bottom lip and leaned back against the tree, "I won't try again. I swear." The almost whispered promise was carried swiftly away by the wind.  
  
  
  
  
  
~~Note: Well this came alot faster then I thought it would. Actually I drempt this up last night and I drempt more but you have to wait for it when I get around to typing the next one too lol. Thanks for reading!~~ 


	4. Secrets to be Kept

Forbidden Feeling - 4  
  
I know this one is over late by like 10 days...or more..sweatdrops But I had valid excuse!! I was in the hospital and then when I got home after being operated on, I didn't have the 'ompfh' to do it anymore. But now that that is over I feel like I can just write my heart out....but mind you, I'm still dopey. LOL Thank you for all your reviews!! They really do brighten my day.  
  
For my Reviewers because they are such wonderful people:  
  
Xellas M: Yay! I feel so much better now that I know I can write! Sorry that this part didn't come quickly enough!  
  
Alexiel-sama: And continue I will!!!  
  
MoroTheWolfGod: smiles I'm glad you enjoy my fic! It really takes alot to write. You should read the other ones I have. They are really funny. Well...One is Xelloss Angsty Goodness. LOL The other is funny.  
  
miss_chan: Hehehehehe. I love your reviews they make me chuckle. looks at chibi you Angst can be good, especially if what comes of the angst is love. Or lust and man love. That's good too. ^_^ Too bad they took off the NC-17 parts. I am designing a webpage for my NC-17 chapters, when I write them that is. I'll tell you when I get it up alright?  
  
Weird One: I think you really need to get off of sugar. chuckles c'est la vie, right?  
  
insane personal: I know who you are. But I am writing more, I promise!  
  
Yume no Zencho: Only your third? giggles I've been reading this pairing for a looooooong time. Believe me on that. I hope you like what you read, because it's really hard to write!! ^_~ I'll try to get more up I promise.  
  
Disclaimer: They do not belong to me. Due to contrary belief. laughs But don't sue me!! Because I know that as much as those lawyers want to sue people like is, it is because of people like us that other people watch the shows we write about. Maybe that's just my opinion, but hey!! Besides, my pencil is only half sized and I now have a pack of gum...well...less than a pack now. ^_^  
  
The morning came all too fast for everyone in the general area of the camp. Lina and Ameria woke up to the sound of some very annoying birds and could not fall asleep again for the life of them. But in their wake, they thought if they couldn't sleep, why not share the joy...and decided to wake up the mercinary body guard. Now they sat by the fire. Zelgadis still refusing to come from his own tent.  
  
"Well, I say we tumble it over with a large gust of wind. He'll come out." Lina was unpacking a few rations that by her standards was a rather small meal, as she set out to cook some of them. Lighting the fire with a small but efficient flare arrow, she set to her own breakfast. Looking back into the bush a bit, she narrowed her eyes, catching a glint of light off of something, but she couldn't quite distinguish it.  
  
"Yes but, I'm worried. He's usually not like this Miss Lina..Zelgadis..he seems so...troubled. Maybe we should just leave him be for today. Is it possible to camp here for another day?" Ameria looked somewhat distraught, yet for good reason, he own small crush on the chimera gently showing clearly through her soft eyes.  
  
"He is troubled." The second the voice spoke up, the group turned their heads and stared at the shadowed figure that almost seemed to appear out of now where, "Zelgadis hasn't been sleeping well. But of course you've probably already figured that out." Smiling, as per usual, Xelloss stepped into the group and leaned back against a tree lightly, waiting for words from anyone. Over anything.  
  
Lina, of course, was the first to speak, "Xelloss, I thought I saw something." Narrowing her eyes again she glared at him for a moment and then grinned, "Long time no see. Been busy?"  
  
Gourry, meanwhile, was watching the entrance to Zelgadis' tent and could hear him inside. So he had been awake for a while. Why was he still in his tent? For a second Gourry started to hold suspicion against Xelloss. It was to much of a coincidence. Coincidence, was that a word? He thought he heard Lina say that once when she was in this kind of situation.  
  
It was that particular moment, right before Xelloss chose to speak, that Zelgadis came walking out of his tent. Without even looking at any of them, he sat down and stared into the fire. "Of course he's been busy. Spawn of satan are always busy." Contempt. Tinged with hatred, confusion, and...something else. Xel opened his eyes just a crack, looking in to the eyes of the blue chimera before him. Sadness. That was it.  
  
"Zelgadis, you know very well that I am not a spawn of satan. I am a general for a much greater being. Get up on the wrong side of the bed?" Xelloss knew he was pushing his luck, but hadn't he always pushed his luck beyond what it was? Zelgadis' head snapped up to eye Xelloss, almost as if he had been hurt by the venom-laced words that fell from the lips of the mazoku.  
  
"No, I just woke up to hear you. I thought that was bad enough." Zelgadis could play this game of matching wits all day. It was something he was good at. Realization kicked in as he looked around the fire. Three other pairs of eyes were on him as well. Something he hadn't liked since his transformation. "What?!"  
  
"Nothing much. Just noticing how upset you are with Xelloss. More so than usual, what did he do this time?" Of course you could count on Lina to be the most observant of the three. "I thought you would have been happy, he did go away from you for a year." Lina's eyes bore deep into his soul as he looked at her. Suddenly he understood. She...she knew. She knew what had been said.  
  
'Damn it how could I have been so stupid to yell...that's probably what had woken her up too. Now she knows...she heard us...I wonder what she thinks? No scratch that, I don't think I want to know.' Thoughts burned through the chimera's mind, leaving trails as they ran around. He stood up abruptly and took a few steps towards Xelloss and the trees. "I'm going for a walk. I'll be back."  
  
As he passed the cape clad mazoku he whispered ever so softly. "I hate you. But we need to talk. Find me later." His pace quickened as he made his way out into the bush and foliage of the small forest. Xelloss' eyes widened a little, although not too visibly. He could feel his own heart skip a beat. The feeling scared him, hope. What did he have to hope? That Zel wouldn't kill him on the first chance he had? Shaking it off he sat down in the spot that Zel had been in. Taking his place among the group. When he turned his head, both Lina and Gourry were glaring at him, and Ameria looking out at the place the chimera had gone.  
  
"Xelloss, what did you do to him to make him so angry?" The firey red head's anger was now turned upon him, and this wasn't about to be pretty.  
  
Xelloss felt a small tinge of remorse creep its way up his spine before he looked at Lina quite seriously. "I..told him things I knew he wasn't ready to hear." It was funny. How you had friends and you never knew it. Until it was too late and you'd already been the knife to stab them all in the back at least once.  
  
The sorceress' eyes narrowed more than they had before and she found herself delving further into the topic before she could drop it. "What did you tell him?"  
  
Xelloss sighed and closed his eyes. If he told Lina and the rest of them...what would Zel say then? He would hate him more. How predictible..Then again, Zelgadis always seemed to be so predictible. Especially for the mazoku that read his emotions on a daily basis only a year ago.  
  
It was the very emotions that Zel had emitted that had kept Xelloss still chasing. He knew he would, until the end of his days. Yet, he'd made a promise last night. A promise to never try that again. But this time, Xel wasn't planning on doing it again. This time, he hoped, it would be Zel who was confused enough to try something. If not...then the mazoku would have to deal with it. This was all his fault in the first place.  
  
Ameria started to get flustered as well. But right before she could reiterate the question that had just been posed by her red-headed friend, Xelloss spoke.  
  
"Sore wa...himitsu desu." It was. It was their secret. There would be no forgiveness if he'd told them then.  
  
  
  
~~Note: I know it was slow!! I'll try to get the next one up sooner!! I promise!~~ 


	5. A New Beginning

Forbidden Feeling - 5  
  
Yeah yeah...It's once again been a while. A while too long. The days just seem to fly past me and I barely have any time to type anymore. Heh, anyhoo, now that I have a spare I may be able to write a little bit more. Which in turn means: More chapters in less time! Yay! (And the peasants cheered.) (glares at the peasants who promptly shut up)  
  
For my Reviewers because they are such wonderful people:  
  
I've decided that because this section takes longer than the chapter....lol, that I would do it a bit different. Thank you to: Aurenne, Haitani, miss_chan, Xellas M, Weird One, Insane Personal, Sky Blue Angel, MoroTheWolfGod, Yume no Zencho, and Tachara for all my reviews.  
  
I just want to let you all know there will be more angst to come. As well a special thanks to Silk and Stone, a Xel/Zel shrine dedicated to fans of that particular pairing for posting my fanfic up there for all to see. (grins happily) It's a great honor. ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: Ok, I chewed my pack of gum and I bought a mechanical pencil and lots of lead. So if you want my pencil lead go hard. ^_^ But I can assure you I bought it at the dollar store and it is therefore cheap and rather fragile. (laughs) If you still want to sue me, I still have relatively nothing to my name. ^_^; sorry.  
  
Before Lina could throw a fireball in the direction of the mysterious priest, she noted the look of fear in his eyes. But..what was it that he could possibly be afraid of...It obviously wasn't the fireball that threatened to crispify him into ashes. It wasn't Lina. Nor Gourry and Ameria. Letting her hands rest the soceress once again addressed the mazoku.  
  
"It may be your secret, but I know fear when I see it, and you are afraid of the secret, am I right? Because that is the most plausible explaination that I can think of right now. Unless, you are afraid of the result of letting the secret you keep out into the air. Is that it?" Once again, the deductive skills of Lina the Bandit Killer paid off.  
  
Xelloss sighed and then looked up again. "That's quite the assumption Lina Inverse. I commend you on your effort. But as close to the truth that it is, I will not betray the trust that I am slowly gaining from...a certain someone. I believe you, of all people will understand my situation, no?"  
  
Lina looked him over suspiciously before pulling red bangs from her eyes. "Alright. Let's drop it." The other two that had been listening to that conversation quite closely, dropped their jaws and stared at the soceress in disbelief. "I'll drop it on one condition, Xelloss, go do what he told you to." Xelloss smirked. Of course you could trust Lina to have such a keen ear.  
  
In the blink of an eye Xelloss dissappeared. Apparating himself from around the campfire out into the forest about 20 feet if not less from his target point. Zelgadis. The chimera was sitting on a log in a small clearing, one knee pulled up to his chest and the other leg still on the ground, holding his balance. The bushes around him had just burst into bloom and colors were abundant. It was a scene worthy of praise, yet also a scene which would take the best artist to capture it upon canvas.  
  
Watching him for a few moments, almost as if he were prey, Xelloss walked over silently. His sudden appearance going unnoticed. Or so he thought.  
  
"Xelloss." The voice was cold, yet collected. A different display from what the mazoku had heard earlier, "I want to know what it is you find so interesting about me that you need to make my life a living hell for every moment that I live. Can you share that with me?"  
  
The dark priest took a few more silent steps forward and took a seat on the log across from Zel's place. Taking a short calming breath he spoke, "I don't mean to make your life as bad as it is...even if you choose to believe the opposite. Really though, I do find you interesting...interesting enough to devote most of my attention to you. Yet, I'm not familiar with the feelings I have and I don't know what you want me to say...or what you want me to do. Is that a good enough answer for you? Because I assure you, that is the truth."  
  
It was now or never. Reconciliation was only a few apologies away. Yet, would they be accepted from the chimera before him? Was there a chance or at least friendship? Xelloss' heart seemed to skip a beat, and he found himself hanging upon the quiet thoughts of the mystical swordsman.  
  
Zelgadis remained silent for a few moments, leaving Xelloss to bated breath. The sun shone down through the treetops and into the clearing, instantly illuminating everything around them. It made the stones on the chimera's solemn face glitter with false happiness. Tilting his head up to look up at the mazoku, it looked as though he was searching his face for the trace of a lie. Yet nothing was found.  
  
"How can I believe you when all you've done to us in the past is use us for your greater purpose? Do you expect me to just drop everything that you've done...and come to you because you've decided just now that you were interested in me?" The shaky voice was laced with hurt and a little bit of fear, "What am I supposed to tell you? That I can forget? I've been through too much to forget everything that's happened to me as of yet...."  
  
  
  
Zelgadis shifted his body back and let both hands rest on the now warm surface of the log underneath him. He was clearly uncomfortable and slightly edgy as well.  
  
Xelloss sighed and closed his eyes slightly hurt. "I understand. I know I haven't been trustworthy in the past, I don't expect you to forgive me so easily. Yet, I would really like you to try." They sat there in an awkward silence for a few moments and Zelgadis had still not spoken so the general continued, "That is, if you give me a chance to--"  
  
"A chance to what?" Zelgadis cut him off quickly, "A chance to break my heart at the first chance you get? Because it's already a little late for that." The chimera shook his head, already prepared with the answer he was going to give. Although he knew that it would be putting himself in jeopardy if he was wrong about what his heart was telling him to do. Looking up he noted the pained look upon the mazoku's face.  
  
Zel sighed. "Look. I'm not saying I will give you a chance to redeem yourself, but I am not completely telling you that I will. I suppose what I am willing to do, is give you a chance to earn my trust. If you can earn that first, then we'll talk again about further issues. But I can't give you anything more, unless you give me that." The chimera looked up and his face shone, reflecting the sunlight a little.  
  
The mazoku pondered that for a moment. 'Trust...how can I earn it? I've never experienced much in the areas of trust..' Furrowing his eyebrows, Xelloss opened his eyes and trained the violet orbs on their destination, Zelgadis.  
  
Xelloss promptly stood up and took a few wary steps towards Zelgadis, hesitantly holding out his hand. "Well then...let's start over from before we began. My name is Xelloss Metallium. Yours?"  
  
Eyeing his hand for a few seconds the chimera sat forward on the log and hesitantly raised his own arm, hand outstretched, he took Xelloss fingers in his own and shook it gently before looking upwards into his deep purple eyes. Briefly, Zel smiled. Still wondering if he had chosen the right path. Sill not friends, yet not enemies any longer. Would it last?  
  
"My name is Zelgadis. Zelgadis Greywords." 


End file.
